Two Tantra books by Satya Puja (Diana Richardson) reviewed by Madhuri
Tantric Orgasm for Women
by Diana Richardson (Satya Puja)
Destiny Books, Vermont, 2004, 224 pages
Available as Kindle, Audiobook, Paperback
ASIN: 0892811331
ISBN-10: 9780892811335
ISBN-13: 978-0892811335
Amazon *
simonandschuster.co.uk
and
The Heart of Tantric Sex
by Diana Richardson (Satya Puja)
O-Books, Hants, UK, 2003, 256 pages
Available as Kindle, Audiobook, Paperback, Spiral-bound
ISBN-10: 1903816378
ISBN-13: 978-1903816370
Amazon *
waterstones.com
It would be difficult to overstate what I owe these books. I’m reviewing them together because I feel them both as supporting scaffolding for my erstwhile bliss in love.
When I say ‘love’, I say it knowingly. I don’t mean ‘love’ as in ‘romantic stuff’, but ‘love’ as in ‘mysterious bridges through the ether, that connect hearts and souls via nothingness, lit up by consciousness’ – or something like that!
When I was first with Osho, back in late 1973 – early 1974, I wrote some poems; most of which I didn’t really understand myself – they just flowed out of me. There was a line in one of them: Fever is the least thing, and that is the hardest lesson. I often thought of that line later, not knowing from where it had come. I was for so many years addicted to the thrill, the great, the dramatic – in life as well as in love. Coming down to mundanity was the last thing I thought I wanted. And yet in love the drama was never what I thought it ought to be – overpowering, ecstatic, carrying me away. Fever was what I aimed for, and fever I didn’t really get. So I kept trying… no matter that Osho said to me, “Stay in the Valley.” What was that?? The Valley? How boring!
We have to be ready for a thing. It has to find us. We have to ripen, and stumble about until the thing comes along.
In 2004, I was finally ready. Menopause was nearly with me; I was completely finished with love-as-I’d-known-it. I was ready, finally, for the Valley.
And I met a man – younger than me, innocent of all knowledge about meditation and Tantra, but with enough Blackfoot Cree in him to bring along some native silence. And we began meditating together.
These two books were our bibles.
We tried exercises from them, we read them aloud to each other, page by page. (I highly recommend this. Each page is savoured between you, so you are both, as it were, on the same page.) We used methods from the Mystery School too, and ones I invented. We never went for the fever. We stayed in the Valley. And I learned – so very late, but I learned it – that in the Valley all possibility is there to have time and space, finally, to observe, to see what is what, to relax and spread out, to taste Mystery and not rush over it.
If there is one thing I really got above all else – and Tantric Orgasm for Women supports this on every blessed page – it was how to honour my moment just as it was. There was no way I should be feeling; I was feeling and experiencing exactly what I was feeling and experiencing, and it didn’t need to change. There is actually a world of rebellion and feminism in this fact. If I am there for exactly what is, I am not there to be any kind of functionary for the man. I am there to observe my truth, and speak it.
And this is how love wakes up. Love for self, which becomes love for the other.
Throughout that book there are quotes from Osho. And throughout both books are many mysteries explained – chakra polarities, how to release emotions safely and responsibly, healing sexual traumas. There are discussions of how to stay conscious during exploration, how to release fear and tension, how to create an atmosphere of intimacy.
A sample paragraph, from Tantric Orgasm for Women, under the heading Pulling Awareness In and Down into the Body:
“The initial step for a woman in exploring the role of relaxation in lovemaking is to place the attention on herself. Her intention is to be more aware of herself and to be open to herself, to be curious about what is happening within. Without meeting herself in this way and passing through herself first, she cannot meet man in any profound way.”
This already is a valuable heresy; woman putting herself first? When a man is around? In bed? Whoever heard of such a thing? Next they’ll be wanting the vote!
Other Section Headings: Ecstasy is Cool, not Hot. Penetration Without Erection. The Vaginal Consequences of Conventional Sex. Building Consciousness in the Vagina. Partner Exercise to Harmonise the Energies.
In The Heart of Tantric Sex a section is titled Slow and Porous Approach. This too is a heresy. Everybody knows that sex is hard and fast! Just watch the movies! The harder and faster the better! For me that approach never actually worked; and now I could find out why – find out experientially, not just intellectually. Slowness, it turns out, is magic. All the secrets are revealed in slowness and awareness. Take the Time to Love Consciously, says another heading. And, Touching the Heart Through the Breasts. Communicating Through Touch. Understanding Sexual Excitement. Discover the Joy of Going Nowhere. Stay Relaxed and Speak to Each Other.
One of the most useful principles I found here was that of making appointments for lovemaking meditation. This sounds like it’s against spontaneity, and it is; as the author points out, spontaneity rarely is really spontaneous, as the habits come in right away. When you book to spend time together, and you never break those appointments, and then make sure you are fully present without distraction, trust grows. And only in trust is it possible to open and relax enough to really come in contact with what is there at a deeper level. It helps a lot for this if you have a beautiful place to meditate in, and keep it clean and tended.
I haven’t needed these books since I moved to England 14 years ago; I’ve been alone. But I like to have them in my bookshelf. They give me something by simply being there. They promise the all-important doorway out of same-old-same-old, unconscious habits in lovemaking. They let me know it’s possible, and remind me that it’s wonderful – and I’ve experienced it. Who knows when an old lady might need these things?
There are many Tantra teachers out there, from the sordid to the sublime. Satya Puja is one of our own, and she has done the work, and she writes so clearly and wisely and compassionately and knowledgeably. I recommend both these books highly, whatever age you are. For the young, they could be revolutionary. For the middle-aged and older, a huge relief. There’s more than a hint of ‘doing Barry Long’ here – and that’s a good thing. (In the 90’s in the Poona commune, the Australian mystic Barry Long’s discourse Making Love was a popular cassette to own and listen to. It promised new and unknown joys, and women in particular were keen on the idea! Barry Long espoused the idea of the man being receptive to the woman’s energies during lovemaking, and not moving much at all.)
Anything that gets us to slow down and open our eyes and ears and other senses… My own experience is that you can enter a timeless universe where love – i.e. mystery – is all around – and never dies. It is an intriguing notion… and it’s apparently real.
loveforcouples.com – themakingloveretreat.com
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