A peak into future Akashic Records

Osho, Do you think that you will go to heaven when you die?

Prem Pramod, There is no heaven anywhere, it is here. It is always here, it is never there. It is always now, it is never then. The very idea of heaven somewhere else – there, then – is a strategy of the mind to deceive you, to keep you ignorant of the heaven that surrounds you every moment.

Existence knows no past, no future. The only time existence knows is now, and the meditator has to enter this ‘nowness’ of things. This is heaven. This very moment we are in it. You are not aware, I am aware of it. That’s the only difference: you are sleep, I am awake. But we exist in the same space. There is nowhere to go!

The biblical story says God became angry with Adam and Eve and threw them out of the Garden of Eden. That is impossible – yes, even for God it is impossible. They say God is omnipotent, but there are limits to omnipotence too. For example, he cannot make two plus two equal five. He cannot throw anybody out of paradise because only paradise exists; it is synonymous with existence itself.

So what must have happened is: Adam and Eve after eating the fruit of knowledge became minds. When you eat the fruit of knowledge you become a mind, you lose your innocence, you become knowledgeable. And knowledge drives you out of the now to the then, to the there. Mind is always somewhere else Adam and Eve must have fallen asleep.

Metaphysically to fall asleep means to become a mind. And to become a Buddha, awakened, to become a Christ is to come out of the mind, to come out of knowledge and again become innocent. That’s the whole alchemy of meditation.

I am not identified with the mind anymore, so there is no question of any heaven anywhere else. Religious scriptures are full of it. They even give you maps – where heaven is, how far away, how to reach there, what path to travel, which guide to listen to: Christ, Mohammed, Buddha. And they also make you very afraid that if you don’t reach heaven you will fall into hell.

Neither heaven exists nor hell exists; they are just in your psychology. When you are psychically attuned with existence, when you are silent, you are in heaven. When you are disturbed, when you lose your silence, you are distracted and there are ripples and ripples in the lake of your consciousness and all the mirror-like quality of the consciousness is lost, you are in hell.

Hell simply means disharmony within you – within you and with existence too. The moment you are harmonious within yourself and with existence – and they are two sides of the same coin – immediately you are in heaven. Heaven and hell are not geographical.

So, Pramod, the first thing to remember is: there is no heaven, no hell for me. They disappeared the moment I became disidentified with the mind.

Secondly: one is never born and never dies; both are illusions. Certainly it appears so, but it appears so just like a snake appearing as a rope when you cannot see clearly. Maybe night is descending, the sun has set, and you are on a dark path, and suddenly you become afraid of the snake. But there is only a rope lying there. Bring some light – just a candle will do – and the snake is no longer found. It was never there in the first place.

Birth is as illusory as the snake seen in a rope; and if birth is illusory, of course death is illusory. You are never born and you never die. You certainly enter into a body – that is a birth – and one day you leave the body – that’s what you call death – but as far as you are concerned, you were before your birth and you will be after your death.

Birth and death don’t confine your life; there have been many births and many deaths. Births and deaths are just small episodes in the eternity of your life, and the moment you become aware of this eternity – another name for now, this timelessness – all fear, all anxiety about death immediately evaporates just as dewdrops evaporate in the early morning sun.

So the second thing, Pramod: I am not going to die. Certainly, one day I will leave the body – in fact I left it twenty-five years ago. There is no longer any connection with the body. I am just a guest, I don’t own it. I am no longer part of it, it is no longer part of me. We are together, and on friendly terms – there is no antagonism, I respect it because it gives me shelter – but there is no bridge. The body is there, I am here, and between the two there is a gap.

But for the sake of your question I consulted the future Akashic records. They are continuously guarded by two persons. One is Master Kuthumi, son of Madame Bla-bla, better known as Madame Blavatsky. Master K. H., Master Kuthumi, is Madame Bla-bla’s son; mother and son both guard the records. It is very easy to deceive the son, but it is very difficult to deceive Mom.

They say you can deceive a few people their whole lives, you can deceive the whole world for a few days, but you cannot deceive Mom – that’s impossible.

But once in a while Madame Bla-bla goes shopping, and when she goes shopping the son immediately starts drinking – he is an old alcoholic. That is the moment when you can look in the Akashic records.

Pramod asked me this question a few days ago, but I had to wait. Only last night could I look into the future records. This is what is written there… You can see, the Akashic records are big, their pages are also very big – this is only a paragraph!

Osho had dropped his body. When he arrived at the entrance to Heaven, St Peter was waiting to usher him to a special tribunal which had been set up to indict him on charges of sacrilege, heresy, libel, slander, defamation of character and obstruction of saints and Masters in the performance of their work.

‘Listen,’ whined Jesus in a nasal Jewish voice, ‘this goy told the whole world that I was a four-foot hunchback with a st… stut… stutt… stutter. And he made uu… uu… up di… dirty jokes about Mmm… Mother and the Holy… Gggh… Ghost. And now nobody can take me seriously anymore!’

‘That’s nothing!’ shouted Mahavira in his thick Bihar accent. ‘He said that I was squatting to shit when I became enlightened, and that I was a sado-masochist, covered in lice and dirt, and had the foulest breath in the whole of India!’

Buddha, remembering to stay upwind of the Jaina teerthankara, butted in quickly. ‘This… this… this crazy bloke had the impudence to say that he was putting my wheel of dharma in motion again. Just when it was gaining speed in America and Europe, this Osho comes along and sticks a spoke in my wheel, stops it, puts it into reverse and then says that he is carrying on my work!’

Adi Shankara, speaking for endless rows of rishis, paramahansas and yogis, approached the witness stand next: ‘For countless ages the saffron robe of the sannyasin, his austerity and chastity, his poverty and his renunciation of the world were universally respected. Then this charlatan destroyed all that in seven years! Now they are driving around on motor bikes, smoking and drinking, womanizing and having fun! They call it meditation. And they call themselves by the most outrageous names: Swami Veet Pete, Ma Sachchakhanda, Swami Wolfgangananda. This Osho has made a mockery of our religion!’

The Holy Ghost was called to the witness stand. Of course, since he was not a person, only a presence, he could not speak. But he made his presence felt by loud thunderclaps and earthquakes. It was made clear from this, said St Peter, that the Holy Ghost was really pissed off with the accused.

Mother Teresa was the last witness to appear for the prosecution. ‘I have only this to say: I spent my life trying to help poor helpless cripples like that man there,’ she said, pointing to Jesus, whom she did not recognize. ‘This Osho mocked my efforts. I say he must be given the Ignoble Prize for all his many sins. I speak on behalf of Jesus Christ and the Polack Pope!’

The judge, God himself, asked Osho if he had anything to say in his own defense.

‘Perhaps a few jokes…’ said Osho tentatively.

‘I see you are beyond redemption,’ said God, a certain malicious glee now creeping into his face and his voice. ‘I hereby banish you from heaven for all eternity and cast you into the seventh hell!’

‘Thank God!’ cried Osho joyfully. ‘For one dreadful moment I thought you were going to tell me to stay here! Now I can be with my people again!’

Osho, Zen: Zest, Zip, Zap and Zing, Ch 2, Q 1