A Door Into the Vastness Within


Ma Prem Divya on understanding Osho.

I can hardly remember what I was like in 1973. Photographs show me in little Chanel-like suits and large sunglasses à la Jackie Kennedy, or more favorably in those long Laura Ashley romantic dresses that were so fashionable back then. I recall curiously that both the social activist and the dreamy, incongruously glamourous hippie were in me. I was a successful London psychotherapist recently emerged from the California training of Arthur Janov at the Primal Institute.

flower spiral

There were always opposites being expressed in my life; on the one hand an often painful sensitivity and on the other, assertiveness. Over years I developed an appearance of self-reliance I did not possess, a kind of stance (it came with the squint because I refused to wear glasses) that won me a reputation for being ‘stuck up’.

I could be deep, dark and silent. I longed for God more than for anything else. Yet I suffered from a tragic dichotomy, not unusual at the time: a split between the spiritual and material aspects of life. Nothing was ever enough and I bored easily.

Osho represented the possibility of bridging two worlds and whereas with him we shared intense periods of exquisite silence, his was a dynamic path of human expressiveness. I was to learn after many hard lessons, how to be tolerant and how to judge appropriately the needs of the moment – when to be quiet and when to be effectively (not dispersively) assertive. I would learn humility and most of all discernment within situations of apparent confusion or negativity. And I learned all this by loving him more than my own self.

It was in my effort to ‘see’ him and ‘understand’ him that I learned the greatest lessons of my life. His own complexity, for me veiled only thinly what was his grandeur, his courage, his mission as a Light Emissary upon this world.

He was a door into the vastness within. He was a beautiful, dramatic, intense and immediate doorway into the direct experience of the unknown. If we didn’t like what we saw, or if he seemed to push us beyond our conscious desire of the moment, it was irrelevant. His work went far beyond the little lives that he touched and acquires significance only when we consider the global implications which a small group catalysed around the planet willingly, unwillingly, in spite of ourselves and within certain parameters of conscious awareness.

No one will ever understand him and that isn’t the point. We can only understand what happened to us around him and through him and that is or should be enough. The capacity of one single human being attaining a vision of wholeness, even if momentary, alters the vibrational frequency of all humanity. Acharya Rajneesh, the university professor, or Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, the Golden One, or Osho of Poona II, needs to be viewed within the historical framework of the time and in time. We are too small to understand.


DivyaMa Prem Divya (aka Zulma Reyo) was born in the USA, grew up in Puerto Rico and was part of the human potential movement in the sixties and early seventies. She became a sannyasin in 1973 and lived 12 years in Poona and Rajneeshpuram. Her first book, Lord of the Full Moon, was published in 1980, and she has published a further 11 books (translated into several languages), her most recent being Inner Woman. Divya is a spiritual coach, author and lecturer, offering a variety of training groups. She lives in Palma de Mallorca, Spain. www.zulmareyo.com – lamujerinterior.es


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