In this article Sarita has an in-depth look at the various kinds of abuse …
…which is followed by a second article offering: Methods to Heal Abuse
According to the Thesaurus Dictionary, the meaning of the word abuse is:
- Improper use or handling, misuse: (abusing of authority, drug abuse)
- Physical maltreatment: (spousal abuse)
- Sexual abuse
- An unjust or wrongful practice: (a government that commits abuses against its citizens)
- Insulting or course language: (verbal abuse)
- Idiom: Abuse oneself (vulgar term used to denote masturbation)
This article explores the word, its implications in our lives and how we can heal from it’s effects. Unfortunately, abuse is very much prevalent in the lives of many, either as a current problem, or as a body memory that tortures the person from within, on an ongoing basis.
Usually, I don’t spend my time contemplating abuse, but prefer the rosier world-view of loving oneself, loving another and loving the universe. However, when Punya asked me to write an article on abuse and how we can heal from it, I realised that actually there are many who are crying out for help around this issue and it is important to address it.
Abusive Birthing Practices
I would like to begin with the ‘not so accepted idea’ that abuse actually begins with conventional birthing methods. We are designed; to be programmed by the environment we are born into. Our limbic system at birth is prepped to be loved and nurtured. The first imprints received, are absorbed by the limbic system as a clear message; “This is what love is. This is the life you will need to adapt to.”
So, when a child is brought into the world in a shroud of pain, or drugged through injections given to the mother, is beaten to make the baby breathe, circumcised, brought out through cesarean, and all other forms of unnatural birthing, we have a child who will be constantly, throughout their life, seeking to repeat the same pattern in various ways. The main drive of every human being, is to find that comfort zone of ‘love’, which has been their first imprint.
In fact, we are not so much different to chicks, who bond with the first thing they see when they hatch from the egg, believing this to be their mother.
When a person has had an abusive birth, they will be programmed to receiving more abuse of various kinds, throughout their lives, unless they clear it from their physical and emotional system.
A common form of abuse given to children, is that of violent ‘discipline’. This comes in the form of slapping, beating with objects or hands, spanking, locked in dark places, tortured in various ways, and verbal abuse including threats, which can be as disastrous in it’s effect as physical abuse.
The physical, emotional and mental messages received by children as they are growing up are what and who they will become. It is imperative that adults learn and understand that each thing you say or do with a child becomes a programme for their future. If an adult says, “You are not good enough” the child will grow into an adult who is never going to be good at what they do. If the adult on the other hand says, “You are intelligent and full of talent; you can achieve anything you want in life,” then this will become the programme carried by the child into adulthood.
Fetishes of all kinds often have their roots in programmes received as a child. To unwind these types of programmes, it is important to receive a lot of love. Therapies which can help are: Cuddling Therapy, Primal Therapy, Family Constellation, Colour Light Therapy, Cranial Sacral and Eriksonian Hypnosis.
Of course, Dynamic Meditation is a cure-all for each and every type of negative programme we may carry.
Sexual abuse is so prevalent that it has created many levels of malignancy in our society. Christian and some other religions, who believe celibacy is an ideal among priests, have spawned generations of sexual abuse and perversions of all kinds. The victims are usually innocent children who are taught to ‘respect the priests’. In recent years, paedophilia rings have been unearthed among priestly organisations throughout the world. People have began to talk and demand compensation for their suffering. When I was in Ireland a couple of years ago, I was told by a local that many churches have had to close their Sunday services because so many people had been abused as children that they had lost faith in the clergy and had stopped going to church.
Cycles of Abuse Through Generations
Other organised forms of abuse may happen in porno rings, black magic rites, child prostitution and other forms of sexual slavery. Just as we have alcoholics anonymous, there needs to be an organisation for perpetrators of abuse to go and receive healing. Their suffering must be great indeed, and in order to end the vicious cycle of child abuse, deep emotional and psychological release needs to be offered to perpetrators stuck in this treacherous rut.
Incest is also very common, usually perpetrated by fathers, brothers, uncles and family ‘friends’. Strangers may lure children with promises of sweets or toys. With child abuse, it is as common for boys to be abused as girls, creating untold miseries for the victim throughout their life.
If someone has been abused as a child, it is common that they will then become an abuser as an adult, even if they don’t wish to do so. This is because early life experiences have a programming effect in the psyche of the child. Children are like sponges. As happens to them, so they will do to others when they grow up. This cyclical abuse often moves through generations. Family Constellation work is an excellent way to release such trauma.
Is Your Memory of Abuse Real?
And lastly, I would like to mention the fact that not all memories of abuse are your own. When a child is very young, they are so bonded with their mother that they believe whatever she feels and thinks is their own experience. If the baby is in the same room or close to it, and the mother is being raped by the father, or in some way forced into sex without her consent, the baby will believe and feel that this is being done to them. It remains in the child’s psyche as a body memory. Then later, as an adult, the person may have an uneasy feeling and think perhaps they have been abused but in reality, they have not. They are carrying their mother’s memory.
Physical and Verbal Abuse
This type of abuse is common in couples or families. In such scenarios, usually one person is the victim and one is the aggressor. Such a pattern can be extremely damaging to the victim and to any children who happen to be in such a family. Sometimes the aggressor is addicted to alcohol and sometimes is stuck in a repetitive pattern of anger over which they have no control.
The brain is a delicate organ, and the addiction to being an aggressor may stem from childhood family patterns. Such a person would be very well served by going to have sessions with a Bio Resonance Practitioner.
The victims in such a situation usually believe that the abuse is their own fault. In many cases, the person who is physically or verbally abusive, is a very kind and loving person for much of the time, and then suddenly transforms into a rabid beast over nothing of any consequence. The victim is led to believe that it is they who have created the anger in their partner, and that they need to be punished. Of course, such a situation is a clever way for the aggressor to hide his or her own pain, but the victim is often too gullible to see the truth.
It is important that the victim finds a way to physically escape, and to seek solace among persons who can offer help and guidance. Distancing oneself from the endless cycle of violence may help the victim to realise they have been living in a state of shock for too long and, over time, they will be able to heal from the scars they bear.
Abuse of Power
Abuse of power has become so common that we almost don’t see it. As the saying goes, “We can’t see the forest for the trees.”
One of the primary ways power has been abused is in education. People are taught from a young age that head and body are two, that sex is somehow wrong or sinful, that life is a very serious affair and that your basic purpose as a good citizen is to pay taxes till you find yourself in a nursing home.
For instance, when we are taught that masturbation and pleasure are wrong, (as in the term, ‘self abuse’) it is a way of conditioning the person that it is wrong to be natural. When someone is not able to access sexual and pleasure states, they are cut off from their roots and become like a bonsai tree. Such a tree systematically has it’s roots cut, becoming a decorative dwarf. When we are dwarfed in this way, we become confused and thus easily able to be manipulated.
Sarita met Osho in Mumbai in 1973 and shortly afterwards received sannyas. She spent the next 26 years in his communes where she worked cleaning Osho’s house, as a medium in energy darshan, in the PR department and as a holistic healer. Osho gave her the title ‘Mahasatvaa’ meaning ‘keeper of esoteric wisdom’. Since 1997 she has been teaching Tantra, holistic healing and meditation across the world. She lives in England and France. www.tantra-essence.com