There is no need to say anything else

In the fourth and last part of the interview, Mataji, Osho’s mother, talks about her most recent years

Leaving Rajneeshpuram

Mataji was not just a mother but also a disciple to Osho. Both these rivers, these roles, flowed in her in equal measure. In our conversation, she would sometimes take on the role of a mother. And sometimes that of a disciple. It was like watching the clouds play a game of light and shadow with the sun rays. One moment, a mother’s worry would take over, and in another, she would relax into the remembrance of her Master. One moment this and another… simply that.

Mataji recalled the day when Osho had suddenly left Rajneeshpuram and was arrested in Charlotte. In a tremulous voice she said, “When I heard that Osho had left Rajneeshpuram, I was so shaken that I cried for two hours. Shailendra and Amit, his two brothers who were also living in Oregon, became worried after seeing me cry so uncontrollably. They called Hasya and told her that I would get sick if I continued to cry like this. Hasya came and tried to explain the situation to me. She told me what Osho had said to her, ‘If Mataji becomes anxious, you can send her back to her children in India.’ I asked her where Osho had gone and she said that she couldn’t tell me about that. I replied emphatically, ‘I will not go to India till Osho comes back.’

“Then a video of Osho, in jail, came out. Osho was wearing a prisoner’s uniform. I cannot tell you what went on in my heart after seeing him in such a situation. You are only a disciple and yet you were so concerned about him. But I have a two-fold relationship with him. How do I express my pain to you? I said, ‘Turn off this video. I cannot see him like this anymore.’ Yet, somewhere inside, I had the trust that no one could do anything bad to my son. With his presence, he would turn a jail into a holy temple. This thought gave me respite and peace. I also remembered the stories of other buddhas, enlightened beings. Each one of them found themselves in such circumstances. Although the controversies were different then, the same situation was playing itself out in human history. The only difference was the time, the era.”

Osho has always lived dangerously. Also, he has always been surrounded by controversies. How did you respond to this?

“Can I tell you the truth? I always asked myself why he had taken on such a task. Why even bother? It would have much better if he had gotten married and settled down. He would then have had to take care only of his wife and children. There wouldn’t have been so much chaos and controversy around him.”

Then she added in a soft voice, “I have never said that to him. However, I am sharing my heart’s feeling with you.”

Osho understood the delicateness of this two-fold relationship. He had to handle his responsibility of being a son as well as of being a Master. It may seem paradoxical, but Osho played both roles – both notes – effortlessly, harmoniously.

Chewing tobacco and betel nut

Mataji had an old habit of chewing tobacco and betel nut. The habit was so strong that even if she had to get up in the middle of the night to open the door, she would first put a pinch of tobacco or betel nut in her mouth and only then open the door. How this habit dropped of its own accord, she tells us in this interesting story:

“One day I had an appointment for an energy darshan. I first asked about the rules of the darshan. I was told that I had to bathe beforehand and wash my mouth so that, in case I were to start crying in front of Osho, my mouth would not smell bad. After hearing this, I did not chew tobacco the whole day because if you were going to see Osho, one thing was certain – tears… Now see, when Rajneesh was a little child, he used to lie down in my lap and sleep with me and I wondered, ‘Would he have smelt the tobacco then?’ But, I don’t know why, I just did not feel like eating it that day.

“I got ready in the evening and went to energy darshan. The moment Osho put his hand on my head, I began to cry. After the darshan finished, I returned to my room and as was my habit, I put some tobacco in my mouth. It felt as if I had put poison in my mouth. I said to Dadaji, ‘Please throw all this tobacco away.’ He said, ‘This is because of the energy darshan today. You may need it tomorrow.’ But no, that was the end of it. The habit dropped. Dadaji even went to ask Osho about how a forty-year habit could have dropped away in a single day.”

What did Osho say?

“When does he ever say anything. He simply sat in silence and smiled.”

An astrologer’s prediction

Just then, Mataji remembered the prediction of an astrologer.

“When I was a little child, an astrologer – a palm reader – had come to our home. He said to my father, ‘She is fortunate. She will travel to foreign countries. She will be comfortable during her childhood days, but she will face hardship during her adulthood. In her old age, she will again be comfortable.’ I asked him, ‘If I am supposed to face difficulties in my adulthood, how will my old age be comfortable? I don’t have any relatives abroad so why will I visit foreign countries? I haven’t even studied English.’ It all seemed so far-fetched. And the astrologer just looked like an ordinary, poor man.”

But this poor man’s predictions did indeed turn out to be true. Mataji did eventually go abroad.

Osho’s love for flowers and trees

Mataji often took strolls amidst the lush, dense forest around Lao Tzu House in Osho’s commune. Each branch and leaf of those trees was infused with Osho’s presence and fragrance.

Mataji looked up at those trees and said, “Osho loved flowers and trees from the very beginning. Wherever he lived, he created a garden around his house. In his garden, the flowers and trees somehow grew bigger than in other gardens. The gardener would always do his work only after he had asked him what to do. Even Dadaji was fond of tending gardens. As long as Osho lived in our home, together he and Dadji would plant trees, water and nurture them. They took care of all the plants.

“But there was one thing that I always found strange – no matter how many flowers bloomed, he never wanted to let anyone pluck them. Our neighbours used to say, ‘How arrogant they are! It is not such a big deal if we are plucking two or three flowers for the morning offering to the gods!’ But no, Osho never allowed anyone to touch those flowers.”

The unstruck eternal sound

Mataji’s treasure of memories is unending. No matter how deep we delved into them, there was always another one. Since it seemed there was no end to this conversation, we finally had to ask Mataji our last question, What is your inner state now, Mataji?

“What is left now? My whole life has gone by. Only meditation is my companion now. As I do Vipassana, I watch my breath flow in, flow out. In this, I witness life and death. When my breath finds its rhythm, my ears echo with a sound. Even Dadaji used to experience this. In fact, one day he anxiously asked Osho, ‘Is this some kind of illness?’ To which Osho replied, ‘This is the unstruck eternal sound. Keep listening to it in silence.’ Sometimes while I am sitting in Osho’s discourse, I can hear Osho’s voice on the outside and this eternal sound inside.”

Do you have a wish you would want to address to Osho?

“What could I request? Because of Osho, cast and creed, discrimination, all of this has dropped away. I hope that it remains like this. Now only one thing is left: When someone says something negative, the arrow of words can pierce the heart. This is my wish now: that even if someone throws a shoe at me, everything should remain still inside. May the meditation become this deep.

“I have nothing to ask for. I have seen heaven and hell – right here in this life. Just the way Existence has taken Dadaji to the other shore, may it also take me to the other shore. I wish that no one is disturbed or troubled because of me.”

Then in her usual gentle way she says, “Whatever I have sowed, I will reap. There is no need to say anything else, is there?”

Our hearts had surrendered to Mataji’s extraordinary ordinariness. Our conversation had come to a close, but Mataji was still wondering what we could find so worthy of writing about? If an enlightened being has become a guest in her home, how did that make her significant?

When Osho left his body, the tangible thread of hers and his bodily relationship also broke. Now, she is simply a silent pool of light in the Commune. Her son has been absorbed in her heart; he is now a part of her being.

When Osho was born… – Interview with Osho’s mother, Ma Amrit Saraswati (part 1)
Rajneesh growing up – Osho’s mother, Mataji, continues with her reminiscences (part 2)
Osho’s parents take sannyas – Mataji remembers Dadaji’s and her initiation, and Dadaji’s death (part 3)

This interview was first published in the Hindi Rajneesh Times (PDF) in three consecutive issues between 1986 and 1987, and re-published in the Hindi Osho Times on 16 December 1993, under the title, A Pilgrimage from the Ocean to its Origin. Translation by Anuragi with edits by Osho News. Photos and PDF courtesy: Osho Resource Center