Bokuju’s rejected disciple

The last statement of Gautama the Buddha to his disciples was: Be a light unto yourself. They were crying and weeping, naturally – the master was leaving and they had lived with the master for almost forty years; a few older disciples had lived with him the whole time. These forty years were of tremendous joy, of great experiences. These forty years had been the most beautiful time possible, humanly possible. These forty years had been days of paradise on earth. And now the master is leaving! It was natural, they started crying and weeping.

Buddha opened his eyes and said, “Stop crying and weeping! Have you not listened to me yet? Why are you crying?”

His chief disciple, Ananda, said, “Because you are leaving, because our light is leaving. We see, we feel darkness descending upon us. I have not yet become enlightened and you are leaving. If I could not become enlightened while you were alive, what is the hope for me now when you will be gone? I am in great despair, my anguish is incalculable, I have wasted these forty years. I have been following you like a shadow, it was tremendously beautiful to be with you, but now you are leaving. What is going to happen to us?”

Buddha said, “You are crying because you have not heard me yet. I have been telling you again and again: Don’t believe in me – but you have not listened. Because you have believed in me, and now I am dying, your whole structure is falling apart. Had you listened to me, had you created a light into your being rather than becoming knowledgeable through me, if you had experienced your own self there would have been no need to cry.

“Look at Manjushree!” he said – Manjushree was another disciple of Buddha, one of the greatest. He was sitting under a tree just close by, with closed eyes, so serene, so quiet, so utterly blissful, that Buddha said, “Look at Manjushree! Go and ask him why he is not crying.”

They asked Manjushree. He laughed and said, “What reason is there to cry? Buddha has helped me to know my own light. I am thankful, I am grateful, but there is no darkness descending. And how can Buddha die? I know I cannot die – how can Buddha die? He will be here. Just as a river disappears in the ocean he will disappear into the cosmos. But he will be here! He will be spread all over the cosmos. It is going to be something tremendously beautiful. Buddha was confined to a small body; now his fragrance will be released, he will permeate the whole of existence. I am tremendously happy that now Buddha will be spread all over space. I will be able to see him rising in the sun and I will be able to see him flying in a bird and I will be able to see him in the waves of the ocean… and I will be able to see him everywhere.

“He is simply leaving his body. It was a confinement. And how do I know it? I know it because I have known my own soul. I listened to him and you have not listened to him – that’s why you are crying.”

Buddha said, “Let me repeat again: appa dipo bhava – be a light unto yourself.”

Then he closed his eyes and disappeared into the cosmos. But his last statement was also his first statement. In fact that was his whole message – the whole of his life he was repeating the same message again and again and again.

The wise man tells you where you have fallen and where you yet may fall – invaluable secrets! Follow him, follow the way.

When Buddha says, “Follow me,” he does not mean imitate him. When he says, “Follow me,” he does not say let him be a model to you; make your life according to his life – no, not at all. “Following” him has a totally different meaning.

There is a Zen story:

A Zen mystic was celebrating a certain festival which is celebrated only on your master’s birthday. But people were puzzled. They asked him, “As far as we know you have never had any master. We have also heard rumors that you had approached a great master, Bokuju, many times, but he always refused to accept you as a disciple. Not only that, he used to chase you out of his hut. We have also heard that because of your continuous persistence, he had beaten you a few times, and once he had thrown you, physically, out of the window of his hut. He never accepted you, he never initiated you – why are you celebrating this day? This is to be celebrated only on your master’s birthday.”

And the mystic said, “Yet, he was my master. His refusal, his throwing me out, his constant rejection, was his initiation. He was saying, ‘Be a light unto yourself – there is no need to follow me.’ Because of his continuous refusal I became enlightened sitting under a tree. There was nobody to cling to.

“The only beautiful man that I have known was Bokuju. If he had allowed, I would have become a shadow to him. If he had allowed, I would have become another Bokuju. I have loved the man, I would have imitated him in detail: I would have eaten the same things, I would have walked the same way, I would have said the same things… I would have been a carbon copy of him. “But he was great, he was my master – he refused. He knew where the pitfall is. The moment he looked into my eyes he knew my future, that if he allows I am going to be a pseudo phenomenon, I will never be an authentic individual. Knowing this he was very hard on me. But now I know his hardness was because of his compassion. It is because of him that I became enlightened. Hence I am celebrating this day – it is my master’s birthday.”

Somebody asked him, “But your life-style does not show any indication of Bokuju. Your statements are utterly different – not only different but sometimes contradictory to his statements. How can you say that he was your master and you are his follower?”

And the mystic said, “Yes, I say he was my master although he never initiated me formally. But formal initiation is immaterial, irrelevant. And I still say that I am his follower, though I cannot prove it by any documents – but there is no need to prove to anybody. I know, that’s all. I am his follower!”

The people insisted, “How can you say that?”

And the mystic said, “He never followed his master; I never follow him. That was his basic characteristic: he never followed his master. And I never follow him – that’s how I follow him. I am a follower and he was my master.”

Invaluable Secrets! Yes, these are invaluable secrets. The life of a real seeker is not an ordinary life. It cannot be confined to a certain pattern, it cannot be confined to a certain style of life – Christian, Hindu, Mohammedan. The life of a real seeker is the life of freedom.

And when Buddha says: Follow him, follow the way… he does not mean to become a carbon copy, he simply means: try to understand his life. Watch, analyze, meditate, and then let your meditation, your watchfulness, your witnessing, become the way.

And following the wise man is really not following the wise man himself, but the way – the way that has made him wise.

What is that way that makes one wise?

Two things… first the negative: drop knowledge. And second the positive: enter into meditation.

Series compiled by Shanti
All excerpts of this series can be found in: 1001 Tales
Featured image: commons.wikimedia.org