From a Man, to Men


Samvado’s insights on the question: ‘What are the seed points that lead men to rape or abuse women and young girls?’

man from behind

Last night
a succinct précis arose in me
focused on ‘What are the seed points
that lead men to rape or abuse women
and young girls?’

It seems essential to me
to feel my own slippery slope –
how momentary indulgence
may become addiction –

Also essential to see
that not all men are toxic
though so far I can’t prove that –
It seems we are at risk
and don’t recognise it –
No one can be a support
to women he loves
who hasn’t looked deep enough
into himself.

One needs a grounding
in his own being
to acknowledge
instinct is pre-thought,
spontaneity is impulse –

Arousal may be involuntary,
but acting on it
is always by choice.

This is the first seed moment
we must recognise
(as later it becomes justified
and lost in, ‘She wanted, she made me.
It was mutual. I didn’t realise.
We were fooling around’).
Recognize, and be aware.

To understand as an adult
that young girls
act out their broadening social life
to include men
other than their father
with attention-seeking, by
flirting and strutting
is a surprise, seed moment 2.

It is nothing to do with you!
Young boys also try to charm
their mother’s friends.
Men are not alert
to all this –
feeling flattered, is seed moment 3.

Some young girls
may have been
oversexualised young,
forced to deal with
uncomfortable attention
from siblings or adults.
It doesn’t mean
they know what is happening!
Nor that they like it,
they are innocent,
adults are not.

Even a damaged adult,
trying to heal his own
inner child
in the pristine aura
of someone else’s youth,
is still adult
and responsible for himself
and all his responses.
He is not innocent,
But motivated. Seed moment 4.

There is no right of intrusion
into a child’s world:
Like the 3 second rule
for eye contact,
it is rude behaviour.
You may invite a child to speak
if they seem shy –
but don’t insist
they must engage.
Wait –
they decide if they wish
to be left alone! Seed moment 5.

These seem to me
to be essential points
to catch oneself
before acting.
Adult to adult
we may or may not
be aware of
or able to articulate
our fantasy,
be capable
to witness our role playing, seed moment 6.

A step further:
Such games,
privately in our head
might be attractive to play: power posturing,
rape in fantasy.
These dreams might not be
in a socially powerless man.
Fantasy has a force of its own,
it seeks weakness.
To recognise,
but not excuse, this force on us is seed moment 7.

In the realm of the senses
it may be enough
to simply feel.
In the realm of awareness
one must also witness
from all sides.
In the freedom we live
with Osho, it is always
our responsibility
to remember that the path
is from sex to samadhi,
not some halfway
A thousand lives
of pigheadedness
are to be transcended – seed moment 8.

Stop moments, to witness oneself, choiceless: seed moment 9.
Who else will witness unborn
or unconceived
the whole play of being?

At this late stage of my stupidity,
clean-up is daily.
I am sure others more familiar
with Tantra and the Path of Love
can add
many other moments
to become aware
of the slippery slope at our feet!

Osho trusted us,
despite ourselves –
so we too may trust
our being here,
that finding our witness will find us
empty –
in the presence of no one
as love moments
may also find us so simply.
The current challenge
to male indulgence
is timely and needed.
We owe

Featured image by Tim Marshall


Samvado is a wood and metal sculptor, living and working in Cornwall, England.

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