Ailon’s initiation into sannyas in Pune, from his yet-unpublished memoir, Diary of a Neurotic Jewish Yoga Teacher
Five to six weeks after my life-changing acid trip in Goa, my journey into the emotional hospital of Pune was producing rich fruits of insight and liberation for me. However, the experience of undertaking this journey within and alongside a community of kindred spirits who were not only supportive but often in a parallel or even more advanced state of self-awareness was catalytic. Osho described the ashram as a “Buddhafield,” a place where everyone who wished to could focus their energies on inner transformation. For me personally, words fail to describe the communion and trust that I was feeling. I was going through the most earth shaking emotional whirlpools, vortices and rollercoasters and yet, rather than being made to feel like a weirdo, I was understood, accepted and seen as one of many other people going through similar experiences.
In recognition of this kinship, I felt that I could no longer maintain my aloof stance of being a non-sannyasin. “Taking sannyas” was the ritual of initiation into a spiritual life that had existed in India for centuries, and that Osho had adapted for his own disciples and devotees. It involved a ceremony, a mala and a new spiritual name. Back in the 1970’s and 1980’s, when Osho’s movement was growing, taking sannyas was a very powerful symbol of dropping out of ordinary life and stepping into a non-ordinary, spiritually-centred lifestyle which was seen by outside eyes as cult membership and nothing less. My resistance to participating in the ceremony was based on the fact that Osho was no longer alive, and that I had my own personal connection to him irrespective of what I perceived to be a dead ritual. Yet after six months in the commune, having received so much non-judgemental compassion and support, my stance felt to me like one of specialness and outsider status. I chose to take sannyas the following week as a sign of connection and kinship with the community I was now living in – of people facilitating the most unique experiment in personal and communal transformation.
As it turned out, the Sannyas Ceremony was a privilege to be a part of. It took place in the large Buddha Hall where Osho used to give his discourses. A group of live musicians played heartfelt devotional songs dedicated not only to Osho but also to the journey of Enlightenment and to the climate around Osho known poetically as the “The Way of the Heart”. As the band played, people stood or sat in a plump circle and danced to the music. Every so often, an individual who had decided to take sannyas was called forth into the centre of the circle where Zareen – Osho’s medium – welcomed that person, sat them down, held their hands, and gazed into their eyes while two other supportive angels placed their hands on the initiate’s back for support. Inevitably, when someone sat down in front of Zareen’s eyes and bathed in her gaze of unconditional love, the frozen ice of their emotions would quickly melt, producing tears of joy, especially as the band carefully increased its tempo and intensity from gentle ballads to ecstatic heartfelt lifting, as the person received their initiation, new name and mala. As I watched the scene, the music sent shivers up my spine and tears began to roll down my cheeks. I had recently been told by a psychic that I was on the “Devotional Ray” of soul types – and it all made complete and clear sense… I needed to “betrothe” myself to the Higher Power, to rejoice, worship and prostrate myself to the Divine.
All of a sudden my name, “Neil Ailon Freedman”, was called. I moved to the centre while the band brought the energy down to a gentle pace. I sat in front of Zareen – a large Empress of a woman with big eyes and a broad smile. Miten – the soon-to-be-famous devotional troubadour – released his beautiful voice, and suddenly a knot in the centre of my chest opened. My heart wrenched out tears of gratitude that came from a place I cannot explain, as people watched silently in a state of heartfelt communion. Zareen motioned for me to lie back into the laps of her two assistants. She then leant forward and placed crystals on my belly and chest, and I became immersed in an intoxicating ether of love, devotion and surrender. I felt like I was in a heavenly, altered state – not one of drugs or stimulants – perhaps one simply of perfect and unconditional acceptance. As I lay there, the band increased its intensity. Drums kicked in, the tempo of the music accelerated and I felt a thousand cares and woes release from beneath my navel… in the form of crunching, wrenching sobs. I was being redeemed, returning home – towards the wholeness of myself. Immaculate is not an exaggerated way to describe how it felt.
After a few minutes of bathing in this bliss, I was gently raised up by the two people behind me and Zareen handed me a piece of paper with my sannyas name – Swami Aman Divyam, meaning, “No-mind – Divine.” She motioned for me to stand. As I did, I looked through my moist eyes at a sea of people around me with their open hearts, beaming smiles and teary eyes.
From a place far beyond my silly little willpower, my hands came together in a Namaste. I fell into the deepest bow towards them, filled with the utmost gratitude and humility for their acceptance of me. My shoulders felt entirely free of burden in this moment and all I could do was allow gratitude to cascade out from my core. The bow also had an element of a performer thanking his audience, and I wondered if I was being given a hint that my sannyas journey would involve some element of public self-expression. With hindsight this has definitely proven to be true. Without Pune and sannyas I might well have remained Neil Freedman, the introvert, destined for a life of accountancy.
After a few timeless seconds I rose from my bow and leapt into the air, dancing ecstatically like a crazy madman who had finally found his family after years and years spent lost at sea or in a foreign land. I had met my next tribe.
Related article
- The power of colours – A selection of paintings by Ailon Freedman in our online art gallery
- Free Your Inner Artist – Ailon’s discovery of his creativity in a painting group in Pune. Now a facilitator himself, his next workshop will be at Osho Leela UK, 11-14 July 2024
- Clown Healing: Who says your spiritual practice needs to be serious? – Ailon tells the story how Clown Healing was born. He’s often facilitating the process in the UK
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