Number 1 – 9
If your father is a poor man, it is your fate. But if your father-in-law is a poor man, it’s your stupidity. Practice makes perfect. But nobody’s perfect. So why practice? If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? Behind every successful
Wife: “How would you describe me?” Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.” Wife: “What does that mean?” Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.” Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?” Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
What did the elephant say to the naked man? “How the hell do you breathe through that thing?” How do you know an elephant was in the fridge? He left his footprint in the butter. Why is an elephant large, grey and wrinkly? Because if it were small, white and round it would
How do you know when there’s a drummer at the door? The knocking speeds up. How do you know when there’s a singer at the door? They can’t find the key and don’t know when to come in. How do you know when there’s a bass player at the door? Who cares? More questions: What’s
Are we afraid of being afraid? That’s the question posed by Mr. Ramesh this week. From his store counter, the happy shop keeper displays his wisdom reminding us of the importance of being curious of the unknown. Listen well, and learn to cope with fear! Credit to Peggy
On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, IL, they call someone at work and ask if they’re married or in a serious relationship.
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten.
Brother John entered the “Monastery of Silence” and the Abbott said, “Brother, this is a silent monastery; you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.” Brother John lived in the monastery for five years before the Abbott said to him, “Brother John,
A young minister is asked by a funeral director to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a new cemetery way out in the country and this man was the first to be laid to rest there. The young minister was not
Mr. and Mrs. Snail are just settling into bed when Mrs. Snail says, “Oh, darling I am getting the worst headache! Would you go into town and get me some aspirin from the shop?” Mr. Snail sighs and says “Oh, all right.” Fifty years later, Mrs. Snail hears the front door open and says, “Darling,
Watch on YouTube Credit to Mary Lee [In case you are wondering what kind of language they are speaking: it is Scottish!]
A young Sydney woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the harbour. Just before she could throw herself off Circular Quay, a handsome young man stopped her. “You have so much to live for,” said the man. “I’m a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow.
These announcements were found in Jewish school newsletters and bulletins. Even a spellchecker wouldn’t have helped.
A selection from entries sent to the BBC
David Moyes is getting increasingly frustrated by his team’s lacklustre performances and the wavering form of his big name players.