At a sexologist convention the lecturer makes a short study with those present in the audience. “Hands up for those who do it every day,” he asks. He counts the hands and marks the number on a piece of paper. “Hands up for those who do it once a week.” Again he counts and marks
A man’s wife asked him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walked down to the store only to find it closed. With that option out, he ventured into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. But, at the bar he saw a beautiful woman and started talking to her.
Day 1 All packed for the cruise ship – all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Day 2 Entire day at…
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy. One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross. The Pope comes
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed. 5. You hear your favorite song in
A wife mentioned to her husband that for her birthday, she would like something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in four seconds. She was expecting something like this: But her husband presented her with something very different… scroll The husband is in a critical but stable
A highly successful HR Manager was tragically knocked down by a bus and killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St Peter welcomed her: “Before you get settled in,” he said, “We have a little problem… you see, we’ve never had a HR Manager make it this far before and we’re not really
You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as Area 51?
Little Ernie’s parents have invited the local Protestant priest and his wife to tea. Ernie has been told to be on his best behavior, and to say “Please” and “Thank you” at all times. But Ernie is having trouble, and by the end of the afternoon is almost ready to burst. “Would you like some
A New Age musician from California is convinced that wild animals have a friendly, loving nature, which will respond to beautiful music. To test his theory he goes to the African jungle, finds a clearing in the forest, and starts to softly play his guitar. Within minutes, from out of the jungle, animals of all
The new priest in the village, young Father Feever, is coming to visit the Side-bottom household. So Little Sally’s mother gives her daughter some instructions. “If the new priest asks you your name,” says Mrs. Side-bottom, ” say ‘Sally-Jane’. And if he asks you how old you are, say you are seven years old. And
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow last Saturday and asked loudly, “How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?” At the mall on Monday, my sister and I passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking
Whip-speedy humorous monologue by Marty Cobb, a Southwest flight attendant who got on the Ellen Show in April 2014.
A husband exclaims to his wife one day, “Your butt is getting really big. It’s bigger than the BBQ grill!” Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. “What’s wrong?” he asks. She answers, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass
Cosmic Comic Pundit Swami Beyondananda Calls for Evolutionary Upwising. Posted on Conscious Life News.
With much humour, 74 year-old Sandra Howard lists the reasons – and many of them apply to men too! Published in Mail Online, UK, on April 5, 2015
Check out the date this was published… on April Fools Day! The latest from the Vatican: Pope Francis and President Barack Obama exchanged gifts at the Vatican on March 27, 2015. During their historic first meeting, Pope Francis made a brilliant surprise gesture. He gave Obama a copy of Osho’s book ‘Priests and Politicians: The
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage.
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs, and asked a flight attendant to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to
Tony and Julie participated in a Marriage Encounter Weekend. They listened intently while the instructor declared, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He addressed the men: “Can you each name and describe your wife’s favourite flower?” Tony leaned over, touched Julie’s arm gently and whispered, “Self-raising, isn’t
A disciple went to his master and said, “I have served you faithfully for ten years. Now I have a wish: give me something to eat which will never end.” His master said, “Here, have some chewing gum.”
In India there’s an order among chaos. Only country where you need to look either side while crossing in a one-way. India is a country where a pizza will reach your house faster than an ambulance. In India, you don’t drive on the left of the road, you drive on what is left on the
They call Zach King the god of video editing!
The teacher said to the class, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said, ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?”