An elderly gentleman enters a restaurant with a stunning young woman.
Mountain climber: “Yes, I am holding the hook!” The Husband: “Really?! Yesterday was our anniversary?” Bomb Disposal Team Leader: “Sure you can cut through the cable.” Butcher: “Just throw over that large knife!” Gourmet: “This type of mushroom is new to me.” Car Mechanic: “Ease the hydraulic lift down slowly.” Looney: “I am a bird.”
… also known as ‘The 90th Birthday’, is a comedy sketch written by British author Lauri Wylie for the theatre.
From recently declassified documents it has emerged that during the Bush presidency a public school teacher had been arrested trying to board a flight at JFK.
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
In the beginning was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form.
And the Plan was without substance.
For those who haven’t heard, Washington State recently passed two laws. They legalised gay marriage and marijuana. The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalised on the same day makes perfect Biblical sense. Leviticus 20:13 says: “If a man lies with another man they should be stoned.” Apparently we just hadn’t interpreted it correctly before! Credit to Kaiyum
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for dinner and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie.
A thoughtful Scottish husband was putting on his coat and hat to make his way down to the local pub. He turns to his wee wife before leaving and says, “Maggie – put your hat and coat on, lassie.” She replies, “Awe, Jock, that’s nice, are you taking me tae the pub with you?” “Nay,”
A little Irishman gets into an elevator, looks up and sees a huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him. He looks down and says: “7ft tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.” The little Irishman faints dead away and falls to
She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
Published in zeenews.india.com, India, on August 10, 2015
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man. Cocktail lounge, Norway: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. Doctor’s office, Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases. Dry cleaners, Bangkok: Drop your trousers here for the best results. In a Nairobi
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out
At a sexologist convention the lecturer makes a short study with those present in the audience. “Hands up for those who do it every day,” he asks. He counts the hands and marks the number on a piece of paper. “Hands up for those who do it once a week.” Again he counts and marks
A man’s wife asked him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walked down to the store only to find it closed. With that option out, he ventured into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. But, at the bar he saw a beautiful woman and started talking to her.
Day 1 All packed for the cruise ship – all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Day 2 Entire day at…
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy. One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross. The Pope comes