The Desire Process

A transformative way to work with ardent longing – a technique by Madhuri

Buddhism speaks of desirelessness – it is, apparently, a very desirable way to be. Meditators experience bliss, which is a space where desire has been replaced by a suffusing levity and joy. And yet… and yet. Animals desire what they need: food, shelter, exercise, affection – whilst humans are privileged to desire these things, and much much more besides – sensible things, nonsensical things. Beneficial things, harmful things, destructive things, altruistic things. Many of us, at various times in our lives, pine so extravagantly that we are sick with it.

The process I came up with to address this consuming hunger is outlined below. When I entered into these daily meditations, I had no idea at all what would happen to me through them. I only knew that I was in pain and must do something. I knew too that if I did not take responsibility for the energies in my own psyche, I would start blaming my partner for all of it. And this would be wrong, counterproductive, and unfair.

I had been living in the American Midwest for 7 years, in a rich and beautiful, if quite non-verbal (on his part), relationship. At first I had enjoyed the solitude of my days as he went off to work; the beautiful house, the woods, the walks, the time for creativity. We meditated together regularly – something of surpassing wonderfulness. But by and by I began to miss ‘my’ people: friends I had known in the communes, especially. I began to miss adventure, and travel, and doing groups, and meditating with more people than just one. I began to find Missouri stifling on a few different levels. I did not want to end my days in the old people’s home down the block, and then the cemetery across the street. And I had nobody to really talk to, for a thousand miles in any direction!

Eventually this longing to go elsewhere grew to become a full and raging river in me. I would share this with my beloved, and he would become even quieter. I think he felt helpless to make me happy…

And so I decided to meditate on Desire. I did not want to be violent to life in ‘doing’ – trying to force life to make a change for me. I had no money of my own, and had not been invited anywhere – I just felt I wanted to be somewhere else, possibly Europe; but had no idea which country, or how, or with exactly whom.

So I decided to meditate on Desire for 21 days. I would use any type of meditations that appeared to me, and I’d take an hour per day to do one. And so that was what I did.

The project showed itself to be profound and illuminating, right away: by entering Desire without avoiding the pain of it, I was telling life that I would do my part: I would show up and take responsibility. And life came rushing towards me with her hands open, showering me with blessings – for very soon I understood that even if I could not have the scenario I wanted right then, I could, and did, have: Desire itself! And desire was life! Life calling to life. It sang, it danced, it reached its hands up to the sky and howled; it minutely observed itself as it inched about in my body – as twitches and sensations, normally overridden or ignored or just felt as wallpaper to the everyday.

After 21 days, I felt to continue, and so I did – until Day 24, when I was deep down in my Self-Healing meditation, and in that great stillness I saw something that had been right under my nose: I had a Spiritual Idea (those are dangerous things) that if I was really an accomplished meditator, as I surely Should Be By Now, I would be happy anywhere! I would go outside and see a tree and get lost in the whorls of its bark, exactly as if I’d had mescaline or something! I would be present!

I saw that this was an idea, and that it was nothing more than that – it was just sitting there as a Thing in my psyche, and I was unconsciously entertaining it, making room for it to be camped in my interior. When I saw it, and did Nothing, it suddenly shifted like a house on a California hillside after flooding rains – the whole hillside began to slide down itself, and that idea and a dozen more spiritual Shoulds left me, flowing away forever, to the sea.

When I got up from the meditation, everything was different. The house where I lived – the trees outside – everything had become 2-dimensional; as thin as paper. And words were coming out of my mouth: “I’ve already left! I’m not here any more!” There was nobody to hear them but the cat, but it didn’t matter; life was broadcasting those words in surprise. I went downstairs and opened my computer, and there was an email with an invitation from a client, to move to England and work with him.

I closed my eyes and observed what happened in my body as a response to this invitation. A bubble of something light and joyful rose up to my heart and opened; and all about it were tiny bubbles containing adventures. I had a Knowing that this invitation was not a thing of solidity and security, but it would lead to adventure after adventure – and that was what I wanted.

And so it proved to be.

So, here is the way I did it – and you might also think of different sorts of meditations you’d like to try.

The method

Commit to 21 days of meditating, one hour per day. These could be any sort of meditations at all: Dynamic, or Sitting still and observing sensations, or dancing, or going outside and walking and shouting to the sky, or Self Healing, or whatever you like. Be total in it! Let the full pain of your longing be there, and don’t flinch away from it. Let it express fully! Or be fully observed, as best you can! I do recommend bringing in both types of techniques: those done quietly and in stillness, and dynamic moving ones. You can also experiment with dancing as if you already have the thing you desire. Whatever ideas arise in you, try them out!

If you like, it might be good to keep a little diary, describing what happens each day. If you need more than 21 days, you can continue.

And then see what life does! (Nobody can predict!)

This technique will also be part of Madhuri’s upcoming book, titled Techniques I Have Loved. For funding please write to author: madhuritourmaline@gmail.com

Featured image: iStock