Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops and livestock Last remaining Fundamentalist dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Lebanon) George Z. Bush says
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. I asked God for a bike, but I discovered God doesn’t work that way. So
“Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?” the woman asked her husband. “No,” said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse…and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.
A secretary receives an expensive pen from her boss as a birthday present. Later on, she sends a text message to her boss to thank him. The boss’ wife reads the text, becomse furious & packs out. The boss is puzzled. He can’t understand why, until he took his time to read his secretary’s
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat. The first kid says, “My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed.” The second kid replies,”Yeah? Well, that’s nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the night shift, he sleeps with the woman next door.”
Confucius Say. It’s ok to let a fool kiss you, but don’t let a kiss fool you. Confucius Say. A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise. Confucius Say. It is better to lose a lover than love a loser. Confucius Say. Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy. Confucius Say. A
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. ‘Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent.’ ‘One Cent?’ the man…
At the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting room, while their family member lay gravely ill.
Three people were able to walk on water … There was Jesus … There was Saint Peter … and then there was Pedro … Pedro??? Who the f**k is Pedro?
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, “When you’re in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?” Artie said: “I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.” Eugene commented: “I would
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy (aka Dot).
I don’t suffer from insanity – I enjoy every minute of it! I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Don’t take life too seriously – no one gets out alive. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. I’m not a
A Glaswegian is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher…. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to
Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3. Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00 which includes a tip. (This is where it gets scary!) Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose. Woman: So a beer
The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, “Tuti Homini” – Blessed be mankind. A women’s rights group approached the Pope the next day. They had noticed that the pope blessed all mankind, but not womankind. The next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, “Tuti Homini, et
CBS reported about a billboard in Culver City, USA, promoting JC Penney’s exclusive new designer tea kettle.
By the time you read through this you will understand ‘Tanjooberrymutts’. And only then will you be ready to take on China!