Category

Jokes

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”

Outgoing Personality:  Always going out of the office Great Presentation Skills:  Able to bullshit Good Communication Skills:  Spends lots of time on phone Average Employee:  Not too bright Exceptionally Well Qualified:  Made no major blunders yet Active Socially:  Drinks a lot Family is Active Socially:  Spouse drinks, too Independent Worker:  Nobody knows what he/she does

A guy had an interesting experience recently involving an “older” woman he met at a bar. She looked pretty darn hot for 62. She was drinking quite a bit and, while they were chatting, she came right out and asked him if he’d ever had a “sportsman’s double” – a mother and daughter threesome. He

  SYMPTOM FAULT ACTION Feet cold and wet. Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. Feet warm and wet. Improper bladder control. Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. Drink unusually pale and tasteless. Glass empty. Get someone to buy you another drink. Opposite wall

Anncouncement The US government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed.

I was having an out-of-body experience one day so I grounded myself and got centered with the help of my spirit guides and almost astral traveled anyway, but the phone rang.

A gwala named Budhi Ram was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Himachal when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If