During my siblings’ and cousins’ weddings…

A proud father brought home a swing set.

Old but still good.

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

One-liners off the stage.

Old man Vincenzo, a retired gravedigger, was walking along the street in Naples.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class:

…isn’t a very good student.

…were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

There was a little old man who was in very good shape…

When Thompson hit seventy he decided to change his lifestyle completely so that he could live longer.

Brody Walker went to see his local doctor for his physical.

The maid wanted an increase in pay.

Signora Moretti comes to visit her son Antonio for dinner.

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.

An actual AP headline about an incident in San Diego.

Noted sex therapist Dr Wiener devised a new test about the true frequency of sex encounters people have.

Hetta, an elderly, wealthy Jewish woman was sitting on a beach in the South of England.

Charlie’s wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet.

There was a monastery perched high on a cliff.

A young German couple were expecting their first child.

An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original Lexophilia.

During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton.

A famous dietitian was addressing a large audience in Chicago.

A cocky German State Autobahn employee stopped at a farm in Bavaria and talked with old farmer Huber.

I became confused when I heard the word ‘Service’ being used with these agencies:

An Antartian decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

…of Mona Lisa, Columbus, Michelangelo and more.

A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady

Three little lads were on their way home from school when one of them noticed a red Ferrari parked at the side of the road.

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions…

Adele and Norman, married for more than 50 years, were at a party.

Not much on the supermarket shelves yesterday looked attractive, so I decided to improvise.

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.

A teacher goes around in her class asking each of the kids what they need at home.

Barack Obama, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

Harilal Banerjee, an engineer, had just returned to his office from a week-long seminar in Goa.

Ranjit has an important question and goes and visits his Guru.

Little Emily was caught swearing by her math teacher.

A carpenter was giving evidence about a car accident he had witnessed.

Thank you for calling heaven.

…why it’s so hard to solve a redneck murder.

Mrs Adderly was expecting the local plumber who was supposed to come at ten o’clock.

Back in the Cold War days, Ivan was a diplomat and spy.

The Pope had become very ill and many doctors were called to see him.

Little Johnny is in the classroom watching his science teacher start an experiment with worms.

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, are driving down the road drinking a few bottles of Bud.

Redneck Bobby Ray walks into a saloon.

All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple.

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.

Gynaecologist Dr Fillmore had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out.

Why, why, why?

Timothy was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for the holidays.

Aldric was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender.

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery.

Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before.

…there is cause for deep insights and vital questions.

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he’s ever seen.