An old maid had lived in a tiny Welsh village her entire life.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

Six-year-old Rakesh comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair.

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

At a workshop about coming to terms with sex and sensuality, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words ‘sex’ and ‘love’.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

George and Emma decide to spend their 50th wedding anniversary at the same hotel that they had stayed in on their honeymoon.

On an idle afternoon, two elderly women are chatting.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

An elderly gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist who shared a practice with several other doctors.

Anthony is stressed and middle-aged and is having a problem these days making love with his younger wife.

The Chancellor is in full swing, holding a speech to the members of parliament.

After the Sunday sermon, an elderly lady approaches the priest.

An 80-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting.

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local bar.

Warning: Do not use these answers when you get pulled over on the highway.

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son Philip to the doctor.

Irma Mallory, a 83-year old lady had her annual medical check up.

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together in New York and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper

Brandon, a medical student who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, makes arrangements to visit a sexual disorder clinic.

Two elderly ladies are having an apéritif outside a bistro in Paris.

Little Dexter is in a class where a new intelligent game has been introduced.

A guy comes into the clubhouse looking morose.

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a high class restaurant one evening.

At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas.

Little Benjamin is to spend the weekend at his grandparents.

Fabrizio recently went to see his new doctor in Rome for a check-up.

Committed bachelor Ravindra decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend.

A New Delhi reporter interviews Ranjit Surabhai, a senior politician in the Lok Sabha.

An atheist on a weekend cruise along the coast of Australia, decides to go for a swim and jumps into the ocean.

A harried-looking backpacker is walking quickly along a country lane in Wales.

The instructor at the antenatal class for couples who’d already had at least one child, encourages them to ask any questions they may have.

Listen to one of ABBA’s famous songs.

Early morning on New Year’s Day, Roger was in no shape to drive.

On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.

The local bar was so sure that its owner was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no-one could beat him.

Lee, a seven-year-old boy, was asked to say thanks for the Christmas dinner.

Three friends, all of them statisticians, are out hunting.

After driving for about sixteen hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while.

The song ‘Aquarius’ from the musical ‘Hair’ – video from a live performance at the West End.

138,000 kids suddenly added to ‘nice’ list in middle of night. Published on SOTT and The Babylon Bee on December 6, 2020.

Steve rushed into a crowded tavern on a Saturday night.

Since we’re all in quarantine I guess we’ll be making only inside jokes from now on.

A trick question…

Isobel and Jennifer are at a café in Hampstead, talking.

The first word or two that you see will be where you are going…

Paddy and Angus meet at their favourite bar.

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.

A man was in the supermarket pushing a cart with his little daughter and son.

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and a movie.

Mukesh, the new office boy knocks on the door of his boss’s office and sticks his head in.

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives.

A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree.

A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, “I’d like some Polish sausage.”

Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt.

A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him… everyone else in the room stops to listen.

A preacher, newly called to a small country town, needed to mail a letter.

Ten years ago, one man lost his cool about Australian bureaucracy… did any changes happen since?